Gaslighting

What are the signs you’re being gaslighted in an argument?

Gaslighters manipulate by deflecting or shifting blame or outright denying something happened, Dr. Hairston says. If you’re experiencing gaslighting, you may:

Doubt your feelings, beliefs, thoughts and reality
Question your perceptions and judgment
Feel alone, powerless, or inadequate
Feel confused
Apologize frequently
Second guess your feelings, memories and decisions
Worry that you’re too sensitive or that’s something wrong with you
Have trouble making decisions
Think others dislike you without cause

Phrases used in gaslighting

“I really think you need to calm down.”
“Are you sure you didn’t dream that?”
“I’m actually really concerned about you — you seem all over the place.”
“Just so you know, my [spouse/partner] has been acting a little irrationally.”
“You’re bullying me”
“I’m sorry if you’re mad.”
“Now why would I make that up?”
“Why are you doing this to me? It makes no sense!”
“You know I would never hurt you on purpose.”
“I did it for your own good”
“I’m not sure [your friends/family] has your best interest at heart.”
“You’re too emotional”
“Oh yeah, your life is so hard”
“I never agreed to that — where did you get that idea?”
“You just think that’s what you mean — it’s not what you really mean.”
“You don’t really want that.”
“I know about these things.”
“You’re crazy.”
“So and so thinks you’re crazy, too.”
“It didn’t happen that way.”
“That never happened.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“If you cared about me, you would ___”
“You always blow things out of proportion.”
“This is why you don’t have friends.”
“Don’t get so worked up over this.”
“You can’t take a joke.”
“You have no clue about ____.”
“You made me do ___.”
“I’m the only one who’s responsible in this relationship.”
“The kids know you’re not a good parent.”
“Who are they going to believe?”
“You’re too sensitive.”
“Just don’t worry about it now.”
“You’re gaslighting me.”

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